After what was meant to be a brief blogging hiatus, I suddenly realized I haven’t posted an entry on here in a year and a half! A lot has happened in that time – both good and bad. I’ve been busy with life, and that’s the best excuse I could have to let my blogging slip to the sidelines.
I’ve now graduated from University (with a Master’s degree), started my first full-time job (in the UK), and went on a two and half month trip through Asia, revisiting parts of my childhood and discovering new parts of the continent I’ve never been to before. Starting in Beijing in early July with two friends, we worked our way to Bangkok overland by the end of September (no flying with the exception of Xi’an to Chengdu as the railroad was destroyed by a landslide). Clearly it was no small trip, but the list of stops is impressive: Beijing, Xi’an, Chengdu, Lhasa, Xigatse, Dali, Guilin, Yangshuo, Hanoi, Halong Bay, Sapa, Hue, Hoi An, Saigon, Phnom Penh, Siem Reap and the temples of Angkor, Kratie, Si Phan Don, Pakse, Vientiane, Luang Prabang and finally Bangkok.
Vietnam and Cambodia were entirely new to me, but having visited Laos and Thailand before and having lived in China for 3 years it was quite an enlightening experience. My 3 years in China were spent in Beijing – I left when I was 11 years old, 13 years ago. China is of course going through rapid change, however it was disconcerting to go back for the first time and not recognize a thing. Sure, the famous landmarks were still there – the Forbidden City, Temple of Heaven, the Drum and Bell Towers and so on, but the rest was an entirely alien landscape to me. The residential area where I lived – the Holiday Inn Lido – was relatively unchanged as well, but the school I went to is now a gym. The silk market is no longer just a street but an actual multi-story, modern building. Other markets I knew no longer exist. Many of the streets have huge advertising hoardings and bright lights; the hutong area isn’t even a shadow of what it once was. Other areas have been transformed into tourists hotspots where everything and everyone caters to foreigners.
I don’t expect countries to remain static, however the sense of loss I experienced when I was there was overpowering at times. All I have left of my 3 years in Beijing are my memories – and they can’t be shared with people who haven’t experienced the same things. I can talk about my memories with my family and friends from Beijing, but outside of that close inner circle those 3 years of my life may as well have not occurred. When I was there it felt like grabbing handfuls of sand – I’d see something small and familiar, the essence of the Beijing I once knew, but all the while the grains of the Beijing I knew – my Beijing – were slipping through my fingers, until nothing is left but those memories.
That is one of the frustrations of being a TCK. Where I live now I am surrounded by Brits, many of whom have little or no experience of going beyond the borders of this island, let alone venturing far enough or long enough to be able to empathize with me. It’s therefore difficult to make meaningful connections or share experiences, as what I have seen and done are completely disparate to their lives. In the end I keep my thoughts and stories to myself unless specifically asked. But what can I do to inspire an interest in others? How do I connect with people who have lead completely different lives? At times it can be lonely not having anyone to share these stories with.
